This world can be a difficult one to navigate, particularly if you’re new. I’ve met many gents in my time who have said they weren’t sure of how to contact an escort, and when they have, they’ve managed to insert their size 10 in their own mouth completely inadvertently. It happens to the best of us!
From our side, we do understand that enquiring about services or booking an appointment with a professional companion isn’t exactly something you’re born knowing how to do. Sometimes we can be short with potential clients in ways that may seem overly harsh to you – this isn’t personal. Unfortunately, many of us receive a high volume of enquiries from people whose intentions are to glean free titillation, or worse, to purposefully frighten, upset and annoy. We don’t know that you aren’t one of those people unless it’s clear in your initial communication.
So, I’ve compiled this handy list for new and inexperienced players to refer to. Here is your How To Contact an Escort 101!
1. Be clear and concise.
It is incredibly useful to know what kind of session it is that you’re looking for at an early stage, particularly if we offer a wide range of different experiences. Are you looking for a kinky session, or GFE? Are there any sexy-time activities that are particularly important to you? Please do feel free to go into detail here – communication is sexy! However, there are a few things to bear in mind:
- Do make sure that you’ve read the provider’s website properly first, as enquiring about services that they clearly say they don’t provide is a clear sign to us that you haven’t done so, and thus we won’t feel comfortable. For example, if CIM is super important to you, and you’ve read my website and see it isn’t offered and ask for it anyway, it will go a long way to making me feel unsafe with you before we have even met. It may seem like a small thing, but to us, it feels huge. We are allowing perfect strangers to have unsupervised access to our bodies and private venues, and we need to know that our boundaries will be respected from the get-go. I personally welcome enquiries about activities that I haven’t explicitly said I’m into or not – I want to expand my horizons sexually as much as the next pervert but not everyone is cool with this. Some companions will have a very specific list of things they enjoy and will engage in, and enquiries outside of this aren’t welcome. The moral of the story is – always read our websites properly!
- Specifics are GOOD. Your own brand of erotic fiction, however well written, is BAD. We know you’re excited, and God knows we are too… but sending us your wank bank in explicit detail comes across as top notch timewaster behaviour. We have learned the hard way that the vast majority of clients who want to give us an unsolicited, overly explicit blow-by-blow (har har) account of how they want the session to pan out are mashing the keyboard with just one of their hands… Don’t make us think that you’re that guy, because you’re unlikely to get a response at all.
To make it easier, here’s a short example of what’s A-OK and what gets sent straight to the trash pile.
“Hi Poppy! I found your website via Twitter, and I’m really keen to meet you! I’m looking for a 4 hour lunch date to finish with private time at your place, and I am generally free during the days on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays. I really enjoy GFE sessions but with a hint of kink – I love dirty talk and rough sex – frantic and passionate. I’d love to try face slapping and choking on you, to what intensity are you comfortable with this? I see that you don’t offer CIM, however I would love to do a facial finish if you are comfortable with that – no problem if not! I can provide references and a deposit if you require this. Let me know what you think!”
“Hi Poppy I want you to be my plaything. We’ll start with passionate kissing and touching but then I want to slap you and choke you hard and bend you over the bed, and pound you with my thick hard throbbing 10inch cock until you come all over it, then you kneel and open your mouth like a good little girl while I unload my spunk all over your pretty face while I call you a filthy little slut. I want to meet asap call me”
See the difference there? The first example is detailed, helpful, and just the right amount of flirtatious. The latter is better suited to a comment on a PornHub video.
2. Don’t ask silly questions.
When it comes to contacting escorts, I’m afraid there is such thing as a silly question. There are some things that you should always assume the answers to. Asking these questions makes us feel annoyed at best, and at worst, dehumanised and gross.
‘Personal hygiene is very important to me and I expect you to feel the same’
Please, please don’t ask us if we will be clean for you. We will. It goes without saying, even though 99.9% of escort FAQ pages say this exact thing, including my own.
‘Will you be discreet?’
We have no interest in ramming ourselves into your private life, beyond that you are happy and well. We know you may have a lot to lose, but remember that we do, too. Mutual discretion is in both our best interest. We won’t turn up to your hotel in thigh boots, fifties tucked into our bras, holding a red flashing neon sign that says HOOKER and asking what room Mr Stevens is in because the party just arrived.
‘Can I be the first client of the day?’
Everyone has their own feelings about this, and whilst I will accommodate it where possible, it does make me roll my eyes a bit. It insinuates that we are somehow ‘dirtied’ by sex, which is a rather narrow-minded viewpoint for a person trying to broaden their sexual horizons, don’t you think? As much as we want to accommodate your every need, it’s not really appropriate to try to control what we can and cant do outside of the time we spend with you. We want to give you your perfect fantasy – let us retain the mystery of our lives and work away from you, and you’re bound to have the experience you’ve been dreaming of!
If this is really, really important to you, you can just ask your provider for an early morning appointment. Don’t tell them why, there’s no need to make a big deal out of it and risk making us feel gross.
‘I know your website says [x], but can I have [y]?’
Independent escorts spend a vast amount hours writing copy, updating ads and making sure that the booking process is as straightforward and seamless as possible for our clients. Please assume that our marketing is up to date. Asking for something not advertised is one thing, but specifically asking your chosen person to change their protocol/schedule/services from the ones explicitly stated shows a complete disregard for our business practices and boundaries. There are literally thousands of providers to choose from here in London, there is bound to be one that can meet your needs. Find her instead!
3. Be chill about screening!
I know how nervewracking it can be, I promise. I was a little baby companion once, and I remember well the trepidation and anxiety I felt when setting up my first ever appointment – and I can only imagine how it must be on the other side! However hard it is, try to relax. You’re in good hands. You’ve chosen a professional because you want to let go of the stress, the responsibility, and the uncertainty. Many of us – myself included – specialise in catering to newbies, and we love how it feels to walk into a room with a client so nervous they can barely look at you, only to leave him an hour or two later a euphoric, sated, confident version of his former self. It’s a privilege and an honour.
However, being shady about screening, refusing to screen, or making a huge deal about how important your privacy is can come across like you have something to hide – and as much as we know you don’t want to think about it, there are plenty of nefarious types that we must avoid if we want to be safe and remain upon this mortal coil. By giving us just a little bit of trust, you give us the opportunity to trust you, too. Remember, you aren’t the first client to be married/have an important job/have celebrity concerns, and you won’t be the last. Choose a reputable provider with a good online presence and you will be in safe hands. And in the case of celebrity concerns, I am happy to sign an NDA for your comfort – just ask!
4. Tell us about you!
Just like your chosen partner in crime, you are a real, whole person. Aside from sexy time fun stuff and the logistics of dates/times/incall or out, we want to know a bit about who you are!
Don’t get me wrong – we don’t need you to give us information that you want to keep private. Companions are very private folks too, and generally dislike being asked probing personal questions about our lives away from work, so we don’t expect you to tell your wife and kids names, or your career history. But we do want to know a little bit about who we’re meeting! One of the main reasons I came to this career is the absolute joy of meeting new people who I may never have met otherwise, and I’d love to know what makes you tick – do you love playing sport? Reading? Who’s your favourite author? Are you a movie buff? A workaholic with a penchant for exploring London’s abandoned tube stations on a rare day off? (if so then we have something in common!) I want to offer the kind of experience where we can really connect, and having even a small picture of the person I’m meeting goes a long way to fostering the kind of satiety that can outlast the quick thrill of a meet. Of course, this isn’t obligatory, but it’s always appreciated. You are a multifaceted and interesting person outside of this, just as I am, and I don’t want to dehumanise you either. Unless that’s your kink, of course…
5. Don’t worry too much!
After the above, you might feel like you’ll end up somehow putting a foot wrong and ending up on the sharp end of the tongue of the woman you’ve been coveting. Fear not! We are lovely, I promise. The difference between a good client who has tried their best but missed out some things, and someone who literally can’t be bothered, is very obvious and you won’t have your head bitten off if you don’t get it quite right! All you need to do is approach us with some measure of politeness, decorum and respect for our time. Those things go a LONG way!
So – these are my top tips for contacting an escort without making her think that you’re typing with your penis or that you plan to murder her. They are, of course, specific to me and not all providers will agree – as always, read their website first.
If you’ve found this helpful or feel others will, please do share far and wide. Comments are open and welcome! And if you’re ready to contact me, go right ahead…
Poppy x x