One of the beautiful things about life, and of love, is that every relationship is unique. Every friendship, every partnership, in every possible context will have a dynamic slightly (or vastly) different to the last.
From those who have never experienced this world, there are a lot of assumptions made about escorts, clients, and the unique relationship between us. It is of course of a transactional nature, but my own experience of dalliances within the demimonde has taught me that there’s a whole lot more to it than just a case of handing the money over and taking our clothes off.
I have somehow inadvertently become a confidante, an advisor, and a friend to many, and my clients have become these things to me. My apartment has become a safe space, and I find this deeply humbling.
My clients talk about grief, of unhappiness. They talk of joy, of new births in the family, of their childrens’ A-level results. Many laugh with me, others have cried in my arms. Somehow, a unique and beautiful space, somewhere between strangers and life-long friends, has been created; a place where we use pseudonyms and second phones alongside sharing things that are deeply raw and personal. There is a sense of tenderness within a world traditionally shrouded in secrecy and stigma. I learned very early on that money changing hands does not automatically place the client-escort relationship in a cold and unfeeling box.
I have never really had a ‘work persona’ – those of you who have spent time with me will know that. I use a pseudonym, of course, but I couldn’t be anything other than myself if I tried, which is why it has always been important to me that there is a mutual respect and fondness present in the room – not just an envelope stuffed with cash. If I didn’t, I would be utterly miserable. I embarked on this career precisely because I didn’t want to be miserable at work any more. I wanted to feel valued and appreciated; I was looking for the same things my clients look for when they take a deep breath and tap out their first email to me.
My clients have become friends. Perhaps not friends in a ‘traditional’ sense, but friends nonetheless. Friends whom I look forward to catching up with, and whom I genuinely care for. This world brings people together who may never have met in any other way. It is levelling in a way I couldn’t have predicted.
People often come to escorts because they want to experience certain things without any risk of emotional entanglement and drama – but I’ve learned quickly that this, and building a unique bond full of emotion and care, are not mutually exclusive.